ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
