Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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