My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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