Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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