I wanna bring you to show and tell
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
