overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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