How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
