MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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