So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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