yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
