Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
MIDGETS
????
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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