I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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