So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
