Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
