He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
