just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
