If i come over, it means nothing
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
