Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
