"it" just moved
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
