he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pants are for mortals
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
