Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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