wrigley field is MILF paradise
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
