I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
