i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
