i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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