I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
