If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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