Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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