This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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