So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
