just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
