i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
