omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
