btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
