My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
