Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
