are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
