I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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