just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
