I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont even know how to be here
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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