It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
