There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
