please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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