forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
