I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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