dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
