question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
