I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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