i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
