dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
organizing the empties. That sober.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
