No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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