I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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